early spring

 I was sleeping deeply and soundly. The hum of the heater sounded from the ceiling, our bed comforter wrapped tightly around me. The sun was just rising. I sometimes sleep my deepest during these early morning hours. The new sunlight touches my ear and spreads to my cheek, vivid dreams color and weave around my brain. This particular morning I was holding a baby. It was brand new and swaddled tightly in a blanket. I remember this intense, endless love I felt for it. It was irresistible, this love. So much happiness illuminated from me and I had this deep understanding of how much of a gift this little body was to me. All I wanted to do was protect and hold my precious treasure. 

I wake up feeling sad and confused. I've never dreamed of a baby like this before nor did I realize how much my heart and body yearned for another little one. I assumed this was what the dream meant. We had this plan to wait and try for more children after summer ended. This plan we talked about---- plans sometimes are silly to me, they take away from the excitement of just feeling life as it goes- letting experiences and next moves unfold freely and organically. Anyway, I get out of bed making patience my mantra for the day. Patience.

A few days pass and I leave my house and start running down my road. I usually run to this particular sign and then turn around. I run and run feeling high as I begin to sweat--those therapeutic qualities of moving my body like this start to take over. Music is playing in my ears. My sun glasses provide a certain privacy and intimacy to my exercise ritual that I love. I run and run and run and then I have a desire to walk. I enjoy walking too, so I listen. I walk and walk and walk and then all of a sudden I overwhelming know it. It hits me right there out of nowhere. I am pregnant. I am. I can feel it in my body.  With each step I take forward, I can feel that change is occurring inside me. It is blossoming and growing and opening up. My dreams are even telling me so.

It's confirmed a few nights later during dinner time. We start eating our tacos and Kyle says just go take the test. I feel nervous and excited. I leave my plate of food and walk up the stairs. I pee on the stick.  Two blue lines appear almost instantly and I yell for Kyle, it's true! He comes upstairs and we look at this new piece of information- this life changing realization and nervously giggle, hands over our mouths--eyes smiling. We are going to have another baby. What are we going to do?! Then we hug and kiss and laugh and kiss and I realize in that moment we already know what to do--the answer so deeply rooted in simply loving each other.

April Notes

Colors are popping out everywhere- yellows, pinks, blues, and whites are spreading fast and look so pretty, and smell so pretty, too! The ancient mountain range that surrounds us here and protects us resembles a puffy green cloud at the moment, that hangs low, as its tree tops fill in and show off their lush and sturdy blooming exteriors. I drove over a hill a couple days ago and realized that. I wanted so badly to fly to these tree tops with my little girl and just rest up there for the afternoon. My imagination made me feel our "rest time" would be more like floating around time- full of us dancing and jumping over the fluffiness similar to what we would do on a trampoline. Also similar to what I imaged souls that had passed did in the clouds when I was younger. I remember being on airplane rides back then and looking for signs of people ( or what I thought souls would look like) tucked away in the clouds. I thought ...'this is so beautiful- this has got to be what life after Earth looks like.'
------
This week has been marked by some closures. My nannying jobs are starting to end- so finding new work for myself is on my mind. But I'm finding this to be exciting, not stressful at the moment- I'm ready to do something new.
Kyle and I have also been embarking on the adventure of buying our first car. We've had our eyes set on this car for a couple months now and really are in need off some new wheels. Our first experience with a car dealer was interesting- we definitely felt a bit vulnerable and naive when it came to the "game" involved with this type of purchase- we knew the likelihood of us getting played was high if we made a quick decision due to excitement. So despite our love for it, we told him we had to think about it and just came home. Once we put Sage to bed that night, we shared a bottle of wine- dug deeper into researching the best price out there and had fun practicing our negotiating skills- Kyle became quite good at this, I have to say!
And I think we have finally found our car- and most importantly (to us, at least) for a price we feel good about.  If all works out- our new beauty will be ours to love this weekend.
And my beloved old car that I've been driving around since I was sixteen will still stay in the family. My dad will be taking it over and using it until it can absolutely run no more.  So, my closure with this vehicle is an easy one. She will still be around for me to be nostalgic about.

Dandelion Dreams

The fields around our home are covered in yellow polka dots.

I can tell from the many people I've driven by this week with sprayers on their back- that this yellow weed is not welcomed in their yard.

That makes me sad sometimes--- our polka dots are safe here.

Pressing on

 Well another season of learning and growing is on its way. Our nighttime temperatures have warmed up and the likelihood of frost is low, so Kyle and his friend/ coworker have started moving tomato plants from the green house to the garden. These baby plants can now grow freely in open space with the sky above them.

Our windows have been wide open lately.  During the day I love watching my curtains dance wildly around in the wind, and at night we are enjoying the cool breezes that travel in and touch our skin.

 Last week, Sage had fun hanging out with her friends.  Scarlet being one of them- and a chicken being the other.  Sage really likes to try and feed the chicken rocks, so I'm still lost as to why she keeps following Sage around.  But she does. And it's precious to watch, so I hoping this friendship continues.

 Scarlet...or "Goo-gee" as Sage likes to refer to her is always fun to see. "Goo-gee" doesn't exactly like this name. She tells me to make Sage stop, but Sage just doesn't stop. So during our visit last week, I think "Goo-gee"came to terms with her new name and started to embrace it.

"Goo-gee" sometimes gives me a hard time. She feels comfortable with me and likes to rebel and not listen to what I have to say. I'm not good in situations like these. I'm seeing that I don't exactly know how to discipline, or know yet the way I want to approach moments like those.

I know they will occur with Sage because rebelling is only natural for these little ones as they discover more about the world and learn more about themselves. It's apart of growing up and consequently apart of this crazy ride called parenthood- a challenging part to the ride.

I hope I'm ready to handle it when the time comes.

Until then, I'm pressing forward.

My family is pressing forward.

on we go, on we go.

 xo.

spring morning light

On Fridays I'm a mama to three girls for nine hours. Sage and I are in the car early on these mornings making our half an hour trip over to my cousins house to watch her babies for the day. It's a ritual for these little ones to play in their pajamas all morning long. They like to snack a lot and make big messes for me to clean up, of course.  Watching them interact and play together has been really beautiful. They definitely do have disagreements at times, but ultimately, there is a lot of love shared between them.

Every Friday ( on sunny days that is) we like to catch the morning sun as it makes its way through the foyer area of their home. This Friday, the sun pierced in quickly and was strong enough to make my skin feel warmth. The warmth I felt was so appealing... I found myself lying on my back in the middle of the foyer as if I were sunbathing my a pool or ocean. As my body soaked in the warm light; I closed my eyes and stretched out my arms above my head. I could tell this sunshine was doing a good job of energizing and refreshing my inner spirit.

The little tribe of children I was caring for didn't take long to follow suit. They quickly laid down by me and snuggled in close. I told them to feel the sunshine and they laughed at me but didn't move at all. I think they felt the rejuvenating qualities in the suns warm rays, too. They know warmer weather means more time outside, and I think it's safe to say we are all ready to break free from these walls and celebrate springtime.

I just know Sage felt so powerful in this picture. She was so proud to be sitting in this chair with light on her.

My world of motherhood

Ever since entering the world of Motherhood, most of my days have been spent alone. 

Alone, though, in a happy and content way for me. 

I really actually don't feel alone. And while technically I'm not alone because my baby girl is usually by my side. I'm alone in the since that I'm not around many adults during the daytime hours ( or until Kyle gets home from work).

But, like I mentioned above, I'm happy and content with this.
I've always been one to need "alone" time. Actually, I think every friend I have is like this as well. After spending hours and hours with each other, we all needed our time to just think to ourselves and organize and regroup. 

 And perhaps it's for those very same reasons I am welcoming this time in my life so much.
My time and energy these days is meant to be with my baby.
She won't be this small forever! And everyday she seems to get bigger and bigger...
I find myself just staring at her a lot..
and just studying her little features.
Oh, those lips..
...and those eyes..
and those little finger nails...
I match up her little foot to my fingers to see which finger is the same size as her foot.
My index finger is the perfect match.
Such a cute little foot...oh gosh, and those toes!
 I'm realizing how overwhelming this constant growth period with babies is in the first year. I mean it is all so wonderful to watch them grow and change, but it happens so fast...too fast! I'm scared I'm going to forget it. I mean, seriously. Sage just learned to sit on her own, but now Baby Girl is making moves like she wants to crawl! Lately, I feel like I've been walking around trying to keep my eyes opened extra wide
...I don't want to blink...
I want to take in everything...

So, taking it all in is what I've been trying to do with my days of just Sage and Momma. We have been spending a lot of time outside. Of course, that stroller of mine is a necessity in my life right now. That sucker is always in the trunk of my car. I'm becoming a pro at taking it out, and.. BOOM!.. opening it up!

 Stroller why do I love you so much?
Oh yes- because you make it possible to go on pretty walks in pretty places :) 

My beloved wheels

my sweet Sagiepoo

Sage and I take in the pops of color spring has brought our way.
This spring has made me realize how much I love Red Bud Trees.  They make me want to paint a room that pretty purple pinkish color.

And I've said this many times before, but these seasons are a marvelous thing.
 Change is a marvelous thing.

 and with no worries of snow storms anymore

we now have those spring thunderstorms to watch!

Yesterday that blue sky turned dark and gray

 The air started to smell like rain

The clouds rolled in.

And so did that thunder...

Lightening put on a little show for us over the mountain tops

And the trees started swaying

Back and forth. Back and forth.

Ahh ...afternoon thunderstorms are my favorite:)

 We watched the whole storm from our deck door.

and

then

look!

That blueness and sunshine came back!

This mix up of weather seemed to parallel with my own life.

As my "alone" time days ended because family came to town!

I decided to become a more social creature

and wheeled my way to my Grandmothers to visit with my beautiful cousin Krista.

 Sage loved being in her arms, and decided to take a little snooze:)

Harvest, Krista's daughter also came along to visit...

Look at this cute thing!

Such a pleasant doggie. She is so gentle and sweet.

I wish Simone wasn't so hyper, so I could travel around with her more.

She will be two in August, and I hear dogs kind of grow out of their crazy puppy stage around then, so maybe soon she will be more calm around other people..especially strangers, and act a bit like the wise and beautiful Harvest:)

I love my dog, though. She may be sassy and energetic at times, but Sista is ambitious!

She knows what she wants.

And watching her carry this branch around the yard just made me love her that much more.

Finally,
I
end

with 

this.

I was given this for free!

We can now take the baby on hikes.
Sage loves it!
We love it:)

The gift was a good ending to the day.
Maybe I will give my stroller a break and start getting Sage and I around town in this device.
Hey, if it makes her happy, I'll do anything.

Early Spring Sunshine

Hellooo early Spring weather!

We went outside for snack time!

 Besides having to run after the umbrella a couple times due to sneaky winds, and needing a hat to cover my darling Sage's bald head...our outdoor snack time was a success!

Yummy!

Simone was so happy when her best friend finally came home from work :)

Daddy be acting crazyyyyy

But that's just fine

because

all

is well :)