the end of July

 Kyle's days are long right now. He's up early and in late. I've been helping him more and more with harvesting vegetables.  I even tested harvesting this week with Sage around, but it's a bit hard to pick beans and cucumbers with a curious almost  two year old wandering all over the place. Because of this I tend to help out during her naps. She usually will rest for about two hours, so this gives me time to get dirty and sweaty and knock some items of the To Do List.

The work is hard- especially right now in the heat. But, damn, it makes my body feel so good. Today as I picked away, I listened to my music, watched as my sunscreen lathered arms turned a deeper golden brown and thought about how grateful I was for the farmers hat I somehow acquired a few years back.

Our daughter discovered the sky this past week. She acknowledges its presence every time we go outside together, and wants so badly to hold the moon and clouds. I tell her that her middle name means moon and she looks at me with bright eyes full of love and appreciation. I think she's starting to understand the connection.

She's also been busy pushing around her little eggplant and her little cucumber in her stroller. Kyle gave these miniature vegetables to her as a gift from the garden. He told her they were small like her- so now she treats them, along with the rocks she has collected from the driveway, like her baby dolls. They are her precious gems, and she is such a good mamma to them.

Her overall enchantment with the world right now is pretty inspiring and entertaining to watch. The birds and butterflies!...the ants and dandelions!... the rocks and trees!....the clouds and airplanes!- all bring so much excitement to her little being!  My body fills up with joy when I hear her make dramatic noises like...Ahhh!...or...Wooahh! when we are outside. I know now to get  ready to answer questions after these noises come out of her mouth. "What is that?" and then "Why?" are asked pretty frequently, sometimes, honestly, a little too frequently.

But her enchantment with everything really has made me stop and recognize the beauty in these objects again, too. Thank you, baby girl, for that. I'm so pleased that I'm able to witness this time in her life- I'm soaking it up and breathing these memories into my body with the utmost intention because I know these early moments of understanding and learning are fleeting, they pass by so quickly, and this world won't always be so astonishing to her.

summertime: fireflies and veggies

Summer is here officially and arrived ( in my opinion) so unbelievably quickly. I cannot believe how fast June came and went. This Time-Flying-By theory associated with getting older is so true, and honestly a little scary to me.

As forecasted, the new season brought its heat and humidity. Our days have been hot and the clouds that fill the sky have looked very fluffy and full recently. Their appearance makes the various thunderstorm and tornado warnings seem real, but then nothing will happen. The clouds only let out a little rain and then carry on and migrate away.



June made me fall in love with fireflies again. I remember loving them as a little girl, but I haven't really appreciated them since like I have started to this season. At night, their glowing abilities make the fields around our home look like a gigantic blanket covered in glitter. It's absolutely beautiful and makes me feel like I should organize a Whimsical Field Dance Party. All my guests would be required to wear a glittery outfit too.


My daughter reminds me of fireflies a bit due to the fire element in her own little personality.  I put a flower on her desk the other day, hoping she would enjoy having her own flower to look at. She really did love it at first, but moments later, I found the flower on the floor and her drinking the flowers water instead of her own water. I then refilled the water and explained to her that the flower needs water to survive just like she does. She obviously didn't care what I had to say because I found her drinking the water again. See...this is the fire element I'm talking about.

There are some other limits at home that I'm trying to set for her, like: she cannot eat all the pickles in the jar in one sitting, she cannot ride the chickens; nor the dog, she cannot pretend to blow her nose with the toilet paper and then throw the whole roll into the toilet, and obviously she cannot drink the water I give to the flowers. These limits of what I need to teach my daughter not to do at this point make me laugh. I think she knows better, she just likes playing these games with us. She will even say..." it funny!" afterwards.

These next few weeks, I need to concentrate on processing and using all these wonderful vegetables my man is bringing in each day. My kitchen is full of garlic that needs to be dried and shallots that need to be cooked. I'm excited about the tomatoes that are starting to ripen and the sunflowers that are starting to open up. And, most of all, I'm loving the fresh bundles of basil that make my small, sacred kitchen area smell so good.

This summertime sun is hot and unbearable at times. I always kind of dread this time of the season because I feel like I'm constantly covered in sweat. Seeing the fruits and veggies fresh off the vine make it all worth it, though. Our powerful Sun helps provide such a bountiful amount of nutritious food for its people, it truly is an amazing process to watch.

sunset goodness

I read this quote today and fell in love.

"I love my daughter. She and I have shared the same body. There is a part of her mind that is a part of mine. But when she was born she sprang from me like a slippery fish, and has been swimming away ever since. All her life, I have watched her as though from another shore."

      -Amy Tan- The Joy Luck Club

also, these pictures remind me of this post

park lessons

Before Sage went to sleep last night she climbed up beside me on the couch and sang a song in my ear. Her song was made of some words I understood, but mostly words she made up on her own. She sang softly- close to a whisper- while tugging on my hair and gently rocking her head back and forth. My heart grew even deeper in love with her at that very moment, I could have sat there all night listening to her sweet little voice in my ear.

Her song lasted for about a minute before she was too sleepy to continue on. She put her head on my shoulder signaling to me it was time for books and bed.  Of course, I listened to her queue because these babies grow so fast and take in so much during the day, they need all the rest they can get.

With almost two years of life experience under Sage's wings, I'm enjoying the transformation she is currently making from baby to toddler. Her little body is thinning out and her legs are growing longer. She moves swiftly around outside- running fast and confidently in the grass. She has acquired the balancing skills needed to bend down and explore the earth whenever her heart desires.  She babbles a lot, which is the cutest thing. And she has become very intrigued with rocks, tractors, horses, butterflies, cows and chickens. These are some of her favorite things.

She hugs us tight and loves us fiercely. When she is upset- she expresses it passionately.  I like this too. I'm learning to deal with moments like these more effectively- and, honestly, sometimes I just take in her emotional breakdowns with amazement. I think to myself...'This child of mine is so full of beauty and emotion - look at her expressing her feelings, she feels so free with me'.  

I've decided the "terrible two" phase is a product of little kids understanding life a bit more now, but still not having the verbal abilities to express fully what they are thinking. I think in some instances there is a lot of frustration built up inside their little bodies because of this. They want so badly to say what they are feeling, but don't know how to express it yet.

Physically, too, they are still small and don't move around as well as big kids do. I see Sage observing her fellow park friends intently during our trips there. She studies them like a little anthropologist, and traces their bodies with her eyes as they run freely up and down the playground. These children are so athletic and full of energy. They climb up the slides and soar down them with ease.  Their strong legs pump the swings they are on high into the air. She watches as they swing back and forth, back and forth, their feet nearly touching the leaves in the trees above them. Her need for independence in this manner has bloomed into a full flower these days. She has an ambitious little spirit inside of her.  She is gentle, but she is also ambitious and assertive, and she wants to do what they do!

When it comes down to it, though, she is still too young and fragile. Unlike the bigger kids,  I have to trail behind her as she fearlessly climbs up the playground equipment that is obviously too big for her.  She tries her best to get to where she wants to go all on her own and does a fabulous job of refusing any help I try to give along the way.

Once she makes it to the top,  I watch as she proudly walks over to where the big slides are. This is when her fear creeps in.  At this point she realizes she has reached her limit and decides that type of independence is actually not what she wants right now. She needs help. She needs me again.

In moments like these, I pick her up and take her down the slide with me.  Like Sage's changing body and attitude, I'm understanding my role as a mother is changing a bit as well. Apart from comforting and caring for my girl, which is a trait naturally sewn into many mama's from the moment our babies are placed in our arms, I'm seeing the importance of guidance. I need to guide her along, while also letting her learn on her own. I think the balance of those two elements are important to take note of as a mama. I want my girl to always know I'm there if she needs me, but I also want her to feel free and confident enough to explore and find her own way.

So, this is how I've been approaching our park trips- I've been learning from them. Sage absolutely loves it there and is so tired when we leave.  Perhaps by Fall she will be able to travel around the playground equipment without her mother trailing closely behind her. I think if she could find a way to avoid the scary, big kid slide, she would love this greatly!

xo

April Notes

Colors are popping out everywhere- yellows, pinks, blues, and whites are spreading fast and look so pretty, and smell so pretty, too! The ancient mountain range that surrounds us here and protects us resembles a puffy green cloud at the moment, that hangs low, as its tree tops fill in and show off their lush and sturdy blooming exteriors. I drove over a hill a couple days ago and realized that. I wanted so badly to fly to these tree tops with my little girl and just rest up there for the afternoon. My imagination made me feel our "rest time" would be more like floating around time- full of us dancing and jumping over the fluffiness similar to what we would do on a trampoline. Also similar to what I imaged souls that had passed did in the clouds when I was younger. I remember being on airplane rides back then and looking for signs of people ( or what I thought souls would look like) tucked away in the clouds. I thought ...'this is so beautiful- this has got to be what life after Earth looks like.'
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This week has been marked by some closures. My nannying jobs are starting to end- so finding new work for myself is on my mind. But I'm finding this to be exciting, not stressful at the moment- I'm ready to do something new.
Kyle and I have also been embarking on the adventure of buying our first car. We've had our eyes set on this car for a couple months now and really are in need off some new wheels. Our first experience with a car dealer was interesting- we definitely felt a bit vulnerable and naive when it came to the "game" involved with this type of purchase- we knew the likelihood of us getting played was high if we made a quick decision due to excitement. So despite our love for it, we told him we had to think about it and just came home. Once we put Sage to bed that night, we shared a bottle of wine- dug deeper into researching the best price out there and had fun practicing our negotiating skills- Kyle became quite good at this, I have to say!
And I think we have finally found our car- and most importantly (to us, at least) for a price we feel good about.  If all works out- our new beauty will be ours to love this weekend.
And my beloved old car that I've been driving around since I was sixteen will still stay in the family. My dad will be taking it over and using it until it can absolutely run no more.  So, my closure with this vehicle is an easy one. She will still be around for me to be nostalgic about.

Pressing on

 Well another season of learning and growing is on its way. Our nighttime temperatures have warmed up and the likelihood of frost is low, so Kyle and his friend/ coworker have started moving tomato plants from the green house to the garden. These baby plants can now grow freely in open space with the sky above them.

Our windows have been wide open lately.  During the day I love watching my curtains dance wildly around in the wind, and at night we are enjoying the cool breezes that travel in and touch our skin.

 Last week, Sage had fun hanging out with her friends.  Scarlet being one of them- and a chicken being the other.  Sage really likes to try and feed the chicken rocks, so I'm still lost as to why she keeps following Sage around.  But she does. And it's precious to watch, so I hoping this friendship continues.

 Scarlet...or "Goo-gee" as Sage likes to refer to her is always fun to see. "Goo-gee" doesn't exactly like this name. She tells me to make Sage stop, but Sage just doesn't stop. So during our visit last week, I think "Goo-gee"came to terms with her new name and started to embrace it.

"Goo-gee" sometimes gives me a hard time. She feels comfortable with me and likes to rebel and not listen to what I have to say. I'm not good in situations like these. I'm seeing that I don't exactly know how to discipline, or know yet the way I want to approach moments like those.

I know they will occur with Sage because rebelling is only natural for these little ones as they discover more about the world and learn more about themselves. It's apart of growing up and consequently apart of this crazy ride called parenthood- a challenging part to the ride.

I hope I'm ready to handle it when the time comes.

Until then, I'm pressing forward.

My family is pressing forward.

on we go, on we go.

 xo.

a winter back road walk