double rainbow

 The familiarity of home in Maryland was weighing on me a few weeks ago.  For some reason waves of stress and anxiety decided to fill up inside and I began to miss our simple farm life and the endless amounts of tomatoes that would be piling up on my kitchen counter right about now, and I missed my Grandma. But mashed up against these emotions were also genuine feelings of happiness to be living here in this mountain city. There is a lot of life on these streets and so much more exploring to do. You know, it's an interesting thing to want to be in two places at once.

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Kyle and I were finishing up a walk in the woods together as a biker passed us. He was older and looked to be in good shape. He said hello and asked how we were doing, I replied with "great, how about you!" He hollered back at me, "Awesome! Best day of my life!" I loved the contentment and satisfaction wrapped up in his short statement. I want to always find that and hold it close.

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What I need to get over is that there is only something noteworthy about the twenty-something-year-old mind process. I've always thought we are the most bold and free thinking at this stage in the game-- naive too about the world- allowing us to move forward and explore openly and without fear or hesitation. I've thought is was really important to see and do all I could during this time because it would profoundly change the way I viewed the world for the rest of my life. But the truth is- that is not true. That idea needs to leave my body and fly away with the wind because we can and should think boldly and creatively and openly all throughout our lives, and if that is the case, the adventures should never end.

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I'm currently working at a school that Sage attends. She is in a preschool class, while I co-teach a class of three year old children. It's a play-based curriculum and my co-workers have been taught to initiate creative thinking with kids and peacefully break up arguments.  I watch them get down to eye level with the little ones and calmly talk the issues through. I'm always amazed at how well they can sift through the problem and make the situation better. I think, some of these teachers have found their calling and they are damn good at what they do. Me on the other hand, I'm taking notes. Passionately, I am not a teacher like them. Passionately, I am a photographer. But I can try to do this teacher thing for a time period. I can do it.

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Sage is forming friendships with her classmates and seeing them play together on the playground blows my mind. The first moment I saw her little body appear almost four years ago is still so strongly fixated into my memories, I can't believe she is now at this stage -running freely around, her legs moving so fast. Her blond hair is lightening up from the sun and little freckles are forming on her nose. She tells me she wants to grow her hair long and wear earrings. The colorful sentences she speaks gives us just a little view into the world of her thoughts. I think I may always feel pressure within myself to keep fostering that part of her. I want her to always imagine. I want her to always play.

Our living situation is interesting for us. Temporarily we are living in an apartment, but we are not apartment people. I love the comfort that my home-base right now brings my family, but I'm excited to find a small house with a yard. We need a garden, it's weird not seeing Kyle digging in the dirt. He's been resourceful with the space we have, though, and has found ways to utilize his passion for horticulture by creating a compost bin in our sun room and a hydroponic system for a few tomato plants. We even have a herb garden thriving in a small makeshift raised bed. I was just chopping up a few handfuls of basil for a quiche the other night and started laughing at the whole situation.

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The evening sun shines brightly into this space causing the inside to heat up to an uncomfortable  temperature. I find myself sweating and know it's time then to turn the air conditioning on for a bit.  We eat at our kitchen table which we relocated to our living room because of its natural light. Sitting down for a meal together is special and there is no reason to sit and eat in a dark space.

As the sun goes down, I turn off the air. I re-open my windows and a mountain breeze will push in, touching my eyes and cheeks. Soon I can feel it dancing all around from room to room as I get Sage ready for bed.

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The hum of our ceiling fan and the words from my book put me to sleep at night. I like hearing Kyle softly breath next to me and will always envy his ability to fall asleep so easily. His skin is warm and tan from his long days spent outside. Simone makes her little snort sounds from the cool bathroom floor. Sage should be tugging at my toes soon, with her pillow in hand, asking to come in our bed. I'll say yes and she'll snuggle in between us and twirl a piece of my hair the rest of the night with her finger. I'll feel loved and comfortable in that moment and think this is all so ordinary and special.